Thought For The Day 02/12/12

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Kids Say (And Write) The Darndest Things!

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I leave to children exclusively, but only for the life of their childhood, all and every one of the dandelions of the fields and the daisies thereof, with the right to play among them freely, according to the custom of children, warning them at the same time against the thistles.  And I devise to children the yellow shores of creeks and the golden sands beneath the water thereof, with the dragon flies that skim the surface of said waters, and the odors of the willows that dip into said waters, and the white clouds that float on high above the giant trees. 

Williston Fish

“A Last Will,” 1898

http://www.quotegarden.com/childhood.html

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Art Linkletter was a Canadian born radio and television personality. Abandoned by his biological parents, he was adopted by Fulton John Linkletter, an evangelical preacher, and his wife, Mary. Raised in California, in 1935 he met Lois Foerster, and the two were married at Grace Lutheran Church in San Diego, November 28, 1935. Their marriage lasted until Art’s death, nearly 75 years later, on May 25th, 2010.

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While not a native son of the United States, although he did become a naturalized citizen, he became one of our most beloved media personalities of the 40’s, 50’s and 60’s. A gentle man, he seemed to connect with children on their level and became famous for originating the phrase “Kids Say The Darndest Things!” This hugely popular segment of his show, which I loved to watch as a child myself, never failed to tickle my funny bone. For indeed, it is the children, who, with the innocence of a child’s heart, will be the one’s who will unite us, and heal the divisiveness that is so pervasive in our world today. And so, it is to him, and to children everywhere, that I dedicate today’s blog. We all need another “Ha-Ha” moment to remind us that we need to sit back and smell the roses a bit more often. So take a deeeeeeeeeep breath!

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The following was discovered through another email I received recently. I laughed so hard when I read it that I just knew it needed to be shared. And while I was a public school kid, the stories my husband and daughter have told me about the nun’s where they attended Catholic school, make this even funnier yet! Just close your eyes and picture in your mind, a nun sitting at her desk, grading these test papers and trying to keep a straight face! The following are real answers to a real test given to an elementary school class who was being tested about the Old and the New Testaments. These answers have NOT been corrected or altered in any way!

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TEST ANSWERS 
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1. IN THE FIRST BOOK OF THE BIBLE, GUINESSIS.
GOD GOT TIRED OF CREATING THE WORLD SO HE TOOK THE SABBATH OFF.
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2. ADAM AND EVE WERE CREATED FROM AN APPLE TREE. NOAH’S WIFE WAS JOAN OF ARK.
NOAH BUILT AND ARK AND THE ANIMALS CAME ON IN PEARS.
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3. LOTS WIFE WAS A PILLAR OF SALT DURING THE DAY, BUT A BALL OF FIRE DURING THE NIGHT.
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4. THE JEWS WERE A PROUD PEOPLE AND THROUGHOUT HISTORY THEY HAD TROUBLE WITH UNSYMPATHETIC GENITALS.
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5. SAMPSON WAS A STRONGMAN WHO LET HIMSELF BE LED ASTRAY BY A JEZEBEL LIKE DELILAH.
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6. SAMSON SLAYED THE PHILISTINES WITH THE AXE OF THE APOSTLES.
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7. MOSES LED THE JEWS TO THE RED SEA WHERE THEY MADE UNLEAVENED BREAD,
WHICH IS BREAD WITHOUT ANY INGREDIENTS.
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8. THE EGYPTIANS WERE ALL DROWNED IN THE DESSERT.
AFTERWARDS, MOSES WENT UP TO MOUNT CYANIDE TO GET THE TEN COMMANDMENTS.
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9. THE FIRST COMMANDMENTS WAS WHEN EVE TOLD ADAM TO EAT THE APPLE.
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10. THE SEVENTH COMMANDMENT IS THOU SHALT NOT ADMIT ADULTERY.
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11. MOSES DIED BEFORE HE EVER REACHED CANADA THEN JOSHUA LED THE HEBREWS IN THE BATTLE OF GERITOL.
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12. THE GREATEST MIRICLE IN THE BIBLE IS WHEN JOSHUA TOLD HIS SON TO STAND STILL AND HE OBEYED HIM.
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13. DAVID WAS A HEBREW KING WHO WAS SKILLED AT PLAYING THE LIAR.
HE FOUGHT THE FINKELSTEINS, A RACE OF PEOPLE WHO LIVED IN BIBLICAL TIMES.
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14. SOLOMON, ONE OF DAVIDS SONS, HAD 300 WIVES AND 700 PORCUPINES.
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15. WHEN MARY HEARD SHE WAS THE MOTHER OF JESUS, SHE SANG THE MAGNA CARTA.
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16. WHEN THE THREE WISE GUYS FROM THE EAST SIDE ARRIVED THEY FOUND JESUS IN THE MANAGER.
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17. JESUS WAS BORN BECAUSE MARY HAD AN IMMACULATE CONTRAPTION.
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18. ST. JOHN THE BLACKSMITH DUMPED WATER ON HIS HEAD.
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19. JESUS ENUNCIATED THE GOLDEN RULE, WHICH SAYS TO DO UNTO OTHERS BEFORE THEY DO ONE TO YOU.
HE ALSO EXPLAINED A MAN DOTH NOT LIVE BY SWEAT ALONE.
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20. IT WAS A MIRICLE WHEN JESUS ROSE FROM THE DEAD AND MANAGED TO GET THE TOMBSTONE OFF THE ENTRANCE.
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21. THE PEOPLE WHO FOLLOWED THE LORD WERE CALLED THE 12 DECIBELS.
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22. THE EPISTELS WERE THE WIVES OF THE APOSTLES.
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23. ONE OF THE OPPOSSUMS WAS ST. MATTHEW WHO WAS ALSO A TAXIMAN.
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24. ST. PAUL CAVORTED TO CHRISTIANITY, HE PREACHED HOLY ACRIMONY, WHICH IS ANOTHER NAME FOR MARRAIGE.
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25. CHRISTIANS HAVE ONLY ONE SPOUSE.
THIS IS CALLED MONOTONY.
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 When a woman is giving birth, she has  sorrow because her hour has come, but when she has delivered the baby, she no  longer remembers the anguish, for joy that a human being has been born into the  world.

John 16:21, ESV

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http://mandyspathministry-ulc.webs.com

 “MandysPath” Ministry-ULC

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About Mandy Bruscella

Mandy's Story: As a Registered Professional Nurse with Certification in a number of specialties including home care, I was afforded the opportunity of working closely with various Social Service Agencies in NY and NJ. ~ A lifelong Christian, I was ordained as a Presbyterian deacon in 1993 and, after relocating to SC in 2000, elected to become ordained as a non-denominational minister. ~ I established "MandysPath" Ministry in 2011. "MandysPath" Ministry is a member of Pacific Life Church, El Sobrante, CA, network of ministries. ~ I direct an outreach ministry in an alternative setting, providing spiritual care to a congregation of more than 500 people from around the world via the Internet. ~ As part of this outreach, I write a daily faith based blog. In March, 2012 I was asked to become a board member of Heroes For Children which is a non-profit foundation, established to assists the Guardian ad Litem program of Horry County, SC. Guardians ad Litem are a group of court appointed advocates who represent the best interests of children in Family Court proceedings involving allegations of abuse or neglect. Working closely with these men and women who make a difference in the lives of children, I completed training and have been sworn in to serve as a Guardian ad Litem for the state of South Carolina . ~ I have been married since 1975 to a wonderful man, Daniel. I have a son Daniel and his wife Melissa who live in NYC. My daughter Sabrina and my grandson Landon live here in SC. ~ My father Harold continues to share his wisdom with me and is responsible for many of the ideas I write about!

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