Thought For The Day 06/29/12

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Doubting Mandy

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Landon

04/21/12

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Some see a hopeless end, while others see an endless hope. 

Author Unknown  

http://www.quotegarden.com/hope.html

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Somehow it is so much easier saying the words from Mark 12:30 (KJV) “And thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind, and with all thy strength: this is the first commandment” , than it is actually living those words all of the time. No matter the strength of your faith in God and your conviction that the things He presents us with in life are meant for a purpose of somehow teaching us an important lesson or for enriching our lives, I, for one, sometimes find that when I am faced with those trials we, none of us, really want to face, it somehow becomes glaringly obvious that at times, I lack the strength I need to not just live those words but to believe in them too. I ask Him why He has chosen to test me so, and yet where once I heard a whisper and felt a hand, this past week I feel only the answer of silence!

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Case in point: Our family is beset with some struggles since my grandson’s last surgery. Some post surgical complications have left him with symptoms that so far, no one can explain. Suffering a myriad of developmental delays as an infant, we have worked so very hard in helping him catch up to his age appropriate milestones! But now we are finding regressive behaviors, mostly centered around his capacity to retrieve appropriate verbal responses, with confusion identifying things he knew so absolutely just a few short weeks ago, such as the names of his favorite cartoon characters and toys that he plays with all the time. And so we embark on a trip to the Medical University of South Carolina in Charleston hoping that the area’s premier expert in Pediatric Neurology might just be able to provide us with some of these elusive answers. After all, does He not allow for men with brilliant minds to become our most gifted men of healing? But for a Memaw who can only see confusion on a little face as he struggles to talk to me, hoping for answers from a man of science, while important, does little to ease my aching heart. You see, I want to feel like my God has not forsaken me……….has not forsaken us!

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I know what my head tells me are the absolutes of my faith, but trying to transfer the things I know to a heart that feels like it is breaking is not easy.  Yes, like Thomas I doubt. But unlike Thomas, I will not likely be seeing Jesus in front of me extending His hand for me to see and touch his wounds. Unlike Thomas, I will need to reach deep within and pull forth all of my resolve and believe and trust in my faith alone. Am I that strong? I guess I will know soon enough! And when I do, so will you because it seems I am bound to reveal all of my heart to you as I make this journey of faith. But oh, my God, I am weak!

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5Why are you in despair, O my soul? And why have you become disturbed within me? Hope in God, for I shall again praise Him for the help of His presence.   6 O my God, my soul is in despair within me; Therefore I remember You from the land of the Jordan and the peaks of  Hermon, from Mount Mizar.   7 Deep calls to deep at the sound of Your waterfalls; All Your breakers and Your waves have rolled over me.   8 The Lord will  command His loving kindness in the daytime; And His song will be with me in the night, A prayer to the God of my life.

Psalm 42: 5-8 NASB

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Copyright © 2011-2012 “MandysPath” Ministry

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About Mandy Bruscella

Mandy's Story: As a Registered Professional Nurse with Certification in a number of specialties including home care, I was afforded the opportunity of working closely with various Social Service Agencies in NY and NJ. ~ A lifelong Christian, I was ordained as a Presbyterian deacon in 1993 and, after relocating to SC in 2000, elected to become ordained as a non-denominational minister. ~ I established "MandysPath" Ministry in 2011. "MandysPath" Ministry is a member of Pacific Life Church, El Sobrante, CA, network of ministries. ~ I direct an outreach ministry in an alternative setting, providing spiritual care to a congregation of more than 500 people from around the world via the Internet. ~ As part of this outreach, I write a daily faith based blog. In March, 2012 I was asked to become a board member of Heroes For Children which is a non-profit foundation, established to assists the Guardian ad Litem program of Horry County, SC. Guardians ad Litem are a group of court appointed advocates who represent the best interests of children in Family Court proceedings involving allegations of abuse or neglect. Working closely with these men and women who make a difference in the lives of children, I completed training and have been sworn in to serve as a Guardian ad Litem for the state of South Carolina . ~ I have been married since 1975 to a wonderful man, Daniel. I have a son Daniel and his wife Melissa who live in NYC. My daughter Sabrina and my grandson Landon live here in SC. ~ My father Harold continues to share his wisdom with me and is responsible for many of the ideas I write about!

9 responses »

  1. Dear Mandy: As one grandmother to another, I feel your pain. I just wanted you to know that you and your sweet family will be in my prayers. I am sure that your precious grandson will get better, God Speed. Hang in there and please, no doubts!!!! Love and Peace Leah and Tabby’s Nana

    • Oh Linda, I have come to admire you all for how you got through everything you did with Leah. The fact that your daughter and son in law are together speaks volumes about the strength of character you instilled. Dan and I are so worried that we are grousing at each other! There is nothing worse than knowing you can’t do anything but pray! After all, memaw’s are supposed to fix things!

  2. Hi Mandy,; I just want to let you know that , you and Landon and your whole family will be in our prayers. I often wonder myself why God puts us into his tests.
    Proverb 3:5-6 ~ says: Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; ~ in all your ways acknowledge him, and He will make your paths straight.
    Our love and prayers with you this day plus.
    Rev> michael & Carol Weissman

  3. You are much stronger than you think. Challenges seem to hide around every corner, but , as I am quickly learning, they can only weaken you if you allow them to. Keep strong, have faith, and this dark cloud will certainly dissipate.

    • I know. You managed to remain sane during an insane time. It is hard and I do my venting here sometimes. We will get through this. We have to. We have no other choice! LOL! {{{HUGS}}}

  4. Mandy, I can only imagine how difficult his must be for you, your children, and most of all your grandson. As a Nana myself, I know the love of a grandmother’s heart – our hopes and our prayers for our grandchildren. We are much wiser than when we were raising our own children.

    Praying for your Grandson and praying that God will lead this doctors to answers.

    Love in Christ,
    Marilyn

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