“It is only our bad temper that we put down to being tired or worried or hungry; we put our good temper down to ourselves”
If ever there was something I could comment on these days, it might just be the subject of this post. No, not because I have been successful at temper control, but because I have not! That is what dealing with crisis situations of health seems to bring to the family dynamic. When faced with those critical days that all too often, seem to attach themselves to a health crisis, like some malignant tumor, we are often tired, always confused, generally stressed and perhaps, most of all, absolutely scared, and generally, that just naturally breeds the worst part of us that we somehow managed to keep well hidden from the prying eyes of everyone, save God’s! But they are also almost always those parts of our character that are reserved for those closest to us, simply because we know exactly how hard and which buttons we think will make us, somehow, feel better if we but push them! And while I am certainly not proud of my role in this drama, I am not performing solo, either. And therein lies the biggest problem. You see, once a hurt escapes our or our partner’s lips, it can never be returned. Yes, it may be forgiven, but it is never forgotten, which is why the story I’m going to share with you all, is so timely. In fact, I discovered in only yesterday!
“Temper Control” is a story whose author is unknown, but just read a few lines and you instinctively know that it was written by a very wise person with a deep and abiding faith! But once I read it, I was immediately compelled to put to bed not just my anger at my spouse, but also the things that he said that hurt my heart, as well. I hope it does the same for you! After all, isn’t marriage a mirror, in many ways, of God’s relationship with us? Ephesians 5: 15-17 NIV sums it up for us pretty well. “Be very careful, then, how you live—not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil. Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the Lord’s will is.”
Once upon a time there was a little boy who was talented, creative, handsome, and extremely bright. A natural leader. The kind of person everyone would normally have wanted on their team or project. But he was also self-centered and had a very bad temper. When he got angry, he usually said, and often did, some very hurtful things. In fact, he seemed to have little regard for those around him. Even friends. So, naturally, he had few. “But,” he told himself, “that just shows how stupid most people are!”
As he grew, his parents became concerned about this personality flaw, and pondered long and hard about what they should do. Finally, the father had an idea. And he struck a bargain with his son. He gave him a bag of nails, and a BIG hammer. “Whenever you lose your temper,” he told the boy, “I want you to really let it out. Just take a nail and drive it into the oak boards of that old fence out back. Hit that nail as hard as you can!”
Of course, those weathered oak boards in that old fence were almost as tough as iron, and the hammer was mighty heavy, so it wasn’t nearly as easy as it first sounded. Nevertheless, by the end of the first day, the boy had driven 37 nails into the fence (That was one angry young man!). Gradually, over a period of weeks, the number dwindled down. Holding his temper proved to be easier than driving nails into the fence! Finally the day came when the boy didn’t lose his temper at all. He felt mighty proud as he told his parents about that accomplishment.
“As a sign of your success,” his father responded, “you get to PULL OUT one nail. In fact, you can do that each day that you don’t lose your temper even once.”
Well, many weeks passed. Finally one day the young boy was able to report proudly that all the nails were gone.
At that point, the father asked his son to walk out back with him and take one more good look at the fence. “You have done well, my son,” he said. “But I want you to notice the holes that are left. No matter what happens from now on, this fence will never be the same. Saying or doing hurtful things in anger produces the same kind of result. There will always be a scar. It won’t matter how many times you say you’re sorry, or how many years pass, the scar will still be there. And a verbal wound is as bad as a physical one. People are much more valuable than an old fence. They make us smile. They help us succeed. Some will even become friends who share our joys, and support us through bad times. And, if they trust us, they will also open their hearts to us. That means we need to treat everyone with love and respect. We need to prevent as many of those scars as we can.”
A most valuable lesson, don’t you think? And a reminder most of us need from time to time. Everyone gets angry occasionally. The real test is what we DO with it. If we are wise, we will spend our time building bridges rather than barriers in our relationships, especially our relationships with those who least deserve our wrath and who most deserve our unwavering love and support! ALWAYS!
“For as churning cream produces butter, and as twisting the nose produces blood, so stirring up anger produces strife.”
Proverbs 30:33 NIV
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