The Perfect Pastor, etc.
Mirth is God’s medicine. Everybody ought to bathe in it.
Henry Ward Beecher
Did you know that if you enter the phrase “Jokes you can tell in church” into the search engine of your computer, you will be instantly connected with hundreds of pages (and I only say hundreds…. it may be thousands…. because that is as far as I got before my fingers became tired from pressing the forward arrow key). Which goes far to support something I have held in my heart my entire life…. laughter is to the soul as Aloe is to a sunburn. Laughter cools the sting of a hurt, eases the pain of heartache, lifts us when we can not travel another step, and simply makes us feel so darned good inside. It decrease in stress hormone levels, relaxes muscles, reduces pain, lowers blood pressure and strengthens the immune system. And while I know that the times Christ carried His message with his Disciples were not always easy days for any of them, I am sure that, at the end of the day, the time they used as fellowship together under God’s canopy of stars in the company and communion of one another, must have included times of laughter interspersed with the times of lessons and meditation! At least I like to think they spent time in laughter! There certainly are more than just a few Bible verses that talk of the benefits laughter gifts us with. One website alone lists 45 verses about humor and laughter (http://www.openbible.info/topics/humor_and_laughter).
The problem with so much that passes for humor these days is that the things that are told as jokes are things many of us are not always comfortable with hearing, never mind sharing with another. I am a tad bawdy and I do appreciate most jokes…. up to a point. I do not like humor that hurts or demeans or singles the little guy out, such as ethnic jokes sometimes do. That, I have difficulty finding the humor in. But I do find that I truly appreciate having a place (or website) I can turn when I want to laugh that is not going to have me curling my toes. That is especially true today as it is going to be a somewhat difficult day for me, since I am nursing a twisted ankle which happened when a shotgun blast which, while not close, was picked up by the acute hearing of my dog who decided to make a bee-line back to the house…. with me flying behind. So for today, I am resting, but resting with a smile plastered to my face and I hope you will laugh right along with me. (And I wouldn’t mind a prayer or two, if you’ve a mind to share them!)
THE PERFECT PASTOR
(From what I’ve seen in many churches, these church jokes is only a slight exaggeration!)
The Perfect Pastor preaches exactly 10 minutes. He condemns sin roundly, but never hurts anyone’s feelings. He works from 8 a.m. until midnight, and is also the church janitor.
The Perfect Pastor makes $40 a week, wears good clothes, drives a good car, buys good books, and donates $30 a week to the church. He is 29 years old and has 40 years’ worth of experience. Above all, he is handsome.
The Perfect Pastor has a burning desire to work with teenagers, and he spends most of his time with the senior citizens. He smiles all the time with a straight face because he has a sense of humor that keeps him seriously dedicated to his church. He makes 15 home visits a day and is always in his office to be handy when needed.
The Perfect Pastor always has time for church meetings and all of its committees, never missing the meeting of any church organization. And he is always busy evangelizing the unchurched.
The Perfect Pastor is always in the next town over!
If your pastor does not measure up, simply send this notice to six other churches that are tired of their pastor too. Then bundle up your pastor and send him to the church at the top of your list.
If everyone cooperates, in one week you will receive 1, 643 pastors. One of them should be perfect.
Have faith in this letter. One church broke the chain and got its’ old pastor back in less than three months.
WHO DOES WHAT
A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning.
The wife said, “You should do it, because you get up first, and then we don’t have to wait as long to get our coffee.”
The husband said, ” You are in charge of cooking around here and you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee.”
Wife replies, “No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee.”
Husband replies, “I can’t believe that, show me.”
So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says……….
(shamelessly purloined from the social media page of a friend)
He will yet fill your mouth with laughter, and your lips with shouting.
Job 8: 21 ESV
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