Thought For The Day 10/10/14

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The Hurt We Cause

Thought 1308

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http://media.photobucket.com/image/hurting/lush_falcon/hurting.jpg?o=19

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We have a choice every day – to act on yesterday’s good intentions or get an early start on tomorrow’s regrets.

Robert Brault

www.robertbrault.com

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I was forced to think about the dance of life the other night. Now life is like a beautiful waltz. Each step a delicately choreographed movement meant to perfectly compliment the person you are dancing with. Unfortunately I am a child of the “frug” and “watusi” and “mashed potato” era. Instead of a gentle and slow, arm in arm, symmetrical dance with my partner, my dance is more often than not, one of flailing arms and stomping feet, totally independent of my partner who stands just a few feet from me! And with the “herky jerky”, in my own little world movements, the unthinkable happens. I either bop someone upside the face or step on toes unprepared for the assault of my size 8 1/2 EE feet! Which actually might go far to explain how it is that I spend so much of my time tripping over those same feet and crashing to the ground, bruising not only my knees and hands, but my ego as well! Now when I am the only victim, it is easy to pick myself up, dust myself off, and continue along my way. However, when it is an innocent I bruise by my clumsiness, moving on is not quite as easy! So how exactly it is that we make amends to another we’ve bruised, whether the act was intentional or unintentional, is what I want to think about today!

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I spend more time than I probably should uttering the words, “I’m sorry”! I say it to my family. I say it to my friends. I even say it to strangers I bump in the store! Then I realized that when you really think about it, saying those words implies that the person you’ve hurt is somehow the loser in this innocent (or even when it’s not so innocent) action that occurred. Saying “I’m sorry” usually only succeeds in making the clumsy one feel better, not the one who suffers from our clumsiness!

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There was once a very sweet love story that was made into a movie that had as its catch phrase the line, “Love Means Never Having To Say You’re Sorry”! And while I once thought the sentiment to be somewhat trite, if not inane and an outright untruth, time has altered my thinking on the matter, just a bit. Perhaps it is the sheer number of band aids I’ve had to apply to my own nicks over the last 50 (ah, er, ummmmm, ugh)…OK, 58 years of my life, that has given me time to really think about this. And I have come to two separate opinions on the matter.

  • Firstly, it is not just perfectly acceptable but it is also downright necessary that we offer our apologies to that stranger we’ve somehow hurt by our actions. These are people who do not know the content of our character because they do not know us, and so we must show them who we are by the way we respond to the hurt we’ve caused.
  • Secondly, (and this is the HUGE one), regarding those we either know intimately or at least well enough to really regret the hurts we’ve caused, we owe much more that the ubiquitous “I’m sorry”! What we owe them is to demonstrate by our actions that we are sorry!

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Dan has told me more than once during a squabble that if I was really sorry, I wouldn’t have done it in the first place. And he is absolutely right. We need to remember that the people we care about are just as fragile of heart as we ourselves are and this means we need to be careful and tread lightly when it comes to what we say and do. This does not mean we walk on eggs or aren’t completely honest. What it does mean is that we remember that for every action there is an equal but opposite reaction and because we know the history and emotional hiccoughs of those closest to us, we really need to add to our mouth our very own tape delay. This is the thing television stations implement to allow them time to bleep out something that might be objectionable to some should it be aired publicly. If we could add the same thing to our own thoughts and deeds, we would most likely use a whole lot less band aids on the boo boo’s we cause others. But what then do we do when we haven’t been able to censor our actions and words and have hurt someone?

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Instead of saying I’m sorry, try showing them that you are sorry. (I hope that this blog might just be one thing that shows someone I hurt just the other night that I regret the hurt I caused them!) Be creative and think of unusual and even random acts that are positive affirmations of how much they mean to you. Share a picture or a post if they are “social media-philes” like I am. If it’s someone a little closer to home, try something as simple as a hug or a card or even a poem. While an “I’m sorry” bouquet of flowers is nice, your gesture needn’t cost anything at all except a little thought and perhaps some of your time. How about helping them with something they really enjoy. Just show up, roll up those sleeves and dig in! The key to it all is to remember that no matter how hard you try to show your regret, it won’t matter if you repeat the offense over and over again. It is being truly sorry for what happened that will give what you do its power and proof!

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“A fool’s wrath is presently known: but a prudent man covereth shame.”

Proverbs 14:33
World English Bible

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Mandy 2014

Copyright © 2011-2014 “MandysPath” Ministry

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About Mandy Bruscella

Mandy's Story: As a Registered Professional Nurse with Certification in a number of specialties including home care, I was afforded the opportunity of working closely with various Social Service Agencies in NY and NJ. ~ A lifelong Christian, I was ordained as a Presbyterian deacon in 1993 and, after relocating to SC in 2000, elected to become ordained as a non-denominational minister. ~ I established "MandysPath" Ministry in 2011. "MandysPath" Ministry is a member of Pacific Life Church, El Sobrante, CA, network of ministries. ~ I direct an outreach ministry in an alternative setting, providing spiritual care to a congregation of more than 500 people from around the world via the Internet. ~ As part of this outreach, I write a daily faith based blog. In March, 2012 I was asked to become a board member of Heroes For Children which is a non-profit foundation, established to assists the Guardian ad Litem program of Horry County, SC. Guardians ad Litem are a group of court appointed advocates who represent the best interests of children in Family Court proceedings involving allegations of abuse or neglect. Working closely with these men and women who make a difference in the lives of children, I completed training and have been sworn in to serve as a Guardian ad Litem for the state of South Carolina . ~ I have been married since 1975 to a wonderful man, Daniel. I have a son Daniel and his wife Melissa who live in NYC. My daughter Sabrina and my grandson Landon live here in SC. ~ My father Harold continues to share his wisdom with me and is responsible for many of the ideas I write about!

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